Where to begin? As many of you know, last month I went quiet on Twitter. I needed some time to figure out what I wanted to do with my relationship and needed the break. And this week I decided I needed to say goodbye to Twitter and deleted my account. But I didn’t want to be one of those people that just disappeared without a goodbye.
Over the last year and a half, Twitter has been a very important part of my life. Sometimes, I think too important. I think I’ve been allowing my online life to eclipse my real life. Over the last week or so, I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about what I want in my life and what I have or have not been doing to make those things a reality.
My health. A few years ago I had gastric bypass surgery and lost 125 pounds. In the last year and a half I’ve gained about 35 to 40 of those pounds back. That is so incredibly scary to me. I worked so hard to get healthy and I have let myself slide back further than I ever thought I could. I need to focus on getting healthy again, which for me means less computer time and more working on myself time.
And my relationship. I have done a lot of soul searching and a lot of talking with my man about where our relationship is headed. I have done a lot to make my relationship with him work… but I’ve also done some things to keep him at arms length. It’s been hard for me to take a step back and acknowledge that. In some ways I feel like I’ve been like my 11 year old daughter. She is constantly telling me, “Mom, if you let me do this then I will do my homework, be good, clean my room, etc”. And I am constantly telling her she needs to do all of that stuff first and THEN she will get the rewards. As I look back at some of the road blocks in my relationship, I’ve seen the same pattern, “if you do this or say that, then I will do the things I know need to happen to make this relationship work”. That’s not really the way it works, is it? I want my relationship to work. I want my relationship to be more about the real world than the virtual world.
And my daughter. She is 11 and I don’t have a lot of time left to spend with her before she ends up running off with her friends with barely a backwards glance at me! Such is the normal part of growing up. But there have been too many times she has asked me to play a game, listen to her story or go out for a walk and I’ve said, “just a second” because I was too involved in what has been going on online. And before I knew it, an hour or more had gone by and we’d lost that time. I hate that. I hate being honest and saying that the online stuff became that important to me.
The hard part is that my Twitter friends are real to me. And I already miss so many of you. I miss seeing you every day and hearing what you all are doing. I tried just being quiet on Twitter and not saying anything, but that was just so hard for me. Twitter was still something that was taking up more time than I wanted it to, even without engaging in conversations. So, to get healthy, make my relationship work, spend more time with my kid and many other things, I am saying goodbye to Twitter. It’s just what I need to do.
So, goodbye my Twitter friends. I hope to hear from some of you. An occasional email would make me so happy! J If you’re interested in keeping up, I’ll be blogging every now and again… come back and see what I’ve been up to! And who knows what the future holds? Maybe someday I’ll be able to be the person I want and spend time on Twitter.