My birthday is a week away and everyone keeps asking me, “What do you want for your birthday?”. The thing is… I don’t really want any “thing” for my birthday. How do you tell people all you want is to feel special, to feel like number one without having to ask for it? I want to feel like I’m worth the effort… as a Mom, as a Sister, as a Daughter, as a Friend and as a Girlfriend. Even as I read that I know it sounds so very selfish and self centered. I want to be the most important… at least for a day.
The thing is… I used to make people make me special on my birthday. I didn’t give them a choice! (laughing at myself here!). June 1st would roll around and I’d start proclaiming Lisa’s Birthday month has begun! I would leave no doubt in people’s minds that it was my time of the year and I needed them to celebrate it. But then I hit my 30s and I was a mom and I started to feel like I was pushing too hard. It didn’t feel quite as special when you were telling people they had to celebrate your birthday. So, for the last…. hmmmm… more years than I’d like it to have been since I turned 30…. I have been playing it more low key.
As I sit here feeling sorry for myself, I think back over the last few years and realize that my kid has definitely caught the birthday bug and she tries to make it special for me. And it’s so sweet and makes me smile. So I get to feel special as a Mom. Last year she organized a “surprise” dinner for me. It was very cute.
And this year, for the first time since I was pregnant with my kid (she’s gonna be 12 this year!), I have a someone special in my life. And of course a week out from my birthday things are rough between us. I’m not sure he’ll even remember my birthday. Much less have the ability or desire to make me the most special thing in the world. I guess we just wait and see on that one.
My birthday is on a Saturday this year. You wait and wait and wait for your birthday (for those of us who actually like birthdays… I know some of you could care less about your birthday) to fall on a Saturday. What a great day to celebrate and have a good time. Know what I have planned? Nothing. Wait… that’s not true. I am going to be spending the day doing laundry and getting my kid ready to go to her grandma’s the next morning. I will have a nice dinner out with my girl though. Our last night out before she is gone for a few weeks.
What do I want for my birthday?
Get over myself
Be happy for what I have
Maybe I’m just PMSing or something this year!