I’ve never been good at saying good bye. Even when I was a kid… I remember going to visit my cousins and when it was time to go home, I would bawl my eyes out when it was time to say goodbye. And now, even a phone call or an IM session… I hate endings.
What is it with goodbye that is so hard for me? I think when I am in a moment, I don’t want to let it go. When I feel connected to someone I am at my happiest. Even a small connection. I am a very emotional person and I wonder if maybe I attach too much emotion to goodbyes.
Imagine a girl (ok, so I’m past my girlhood here, that’s besides the point! :p) who sometimes almost cries when hanging up the phone with a friend. See the mom who gets teary saying goodnight to her baby goose when she spends the night away from home. Can you see the woman who is hugging her friend goodbye at the airport? Just thinking of these goodbyes makes me cry.
Tell me, how is this girl suppose to handle the big goodbyes? I can’t even type about the biggest goodbye of my life… when I had to say goodbye to my Dad. I had to do that one after he was already gone and well… I don’t want to go into that one.
And what about the emotional goodbyes? The end of a relationship? How do people say goodbye and then just go on as if nothing happened? How do people say “I love you”, but I need to leave you? How do you say goodbye? Why don’t you fight? I want to be able to say goodbye and just move on. I don’t want to feel paralyzed.
I’m not sure where this post was supposed to go. I just have goodbyes on the brain, I guess. Last night I got one of the hardest goodbyes I’ve ever gotten. Never mind that the goodbye alone really hurt, but it was so full of anger and malice. I’m not sure how to make my heart say goodbye on that one.
Even when I write, I don’t like to say goodbye…. So, maybe this time, I’ll just say, “see you next time”.